She looked flustered, staring at you wide-eyed. Her mind was racing back to the short conversation the two of you had earlier that day.
"Would you wear that ring if I got it for you?" She said absentmindedly, admiring the shiny black ring displayed in the jeweler's window as you walk passed.
"What? Like as an engagement ring?" Your voice sounded confused.
"Sure. Why not? Like as an engagement ring." She laughed a little bit.
"I would feel awkward. I would be like 'is this really happening?'"
"And I would say 'Yeah! It is! Get used to it!'" She laughed again.
"Okay..." She sounds unsure of herself, "Why are you telling me this?"
"I dunno."
She is stuck for the rest of the evening in her mind. Everything in her being fighting with her heart. She knows what you expect from this...this thing you have. It's just filling the blank. Warming the bed until "the real thing" comes along.
You don't expect to be with her forever.
Yet, as she remembers you telling her that over and over, she's thinking back to your conversation and your awkwardness and the unspoken and unanswered question that still lingers in the air.
It doesn't help her that everyone else there is saying the stereotypical question, "So, when's your turn?"
The next day she consults a friend. She asks if she should just go for it. Maybe it's time. Maybe you really do care more than you're letting on. Maybe you do think she is the one. And maybe you aren't looking around the corner for "the real thing" anymore because you realized that it's right here, sitting next to you, lying in your bed at night, making you smile, making you laugh...loving you...
She tests the water. It's cold. She shakes it off.
Later that day, she tests the water again, jokingly this time. Proposal with a lollipop ring. What would you say? What would you say to her?
"The same thing I would say if you proposed to me with a real ring."
Her body is humming, singing, tingling with nervous anticipation. She holds on to every hope, every strand of sanity she has left, wishing desperately to hear something that will free her from this hell she's been quietly residing in for the past three years. Something that will tell her that she's not alone in feeling this...this ache.
You looked her straight in the eye, knowing exactly what she wants and what she dreams. You looked at her as she held out her battered heart, waiting for you to take it into your hands and cradle it softly, heal all the wounds, make all her efforts and trials and tribulations and maddening self-motivations worth something more than keeping her sane for just one more day.
You looked at her...and you said no.
