Of Cows and Controversy

I'm writing a paper about cows. And about how cows are treated before becoming food. How they are confined in little spaces and jabbed with sharp needles and injected with tons of antibiotics and force fed food that gives them indigestion. Fun fact, ne?

So, I'm currently taking a break from the essay that I should've written over the weekend to compose my thoughts and take a breather. I really need a breather. I really want someone to just grab me by the hand and make me run away to somewhere to escape and be free and all that other good stuff that I need because the stress that I'm feeling right now is about to send me past the breaking point and I don't think I can handle a complete mental breakdown right now.

I need to find some way to relax myself.

Controversy:
Tens of thousands of things seem to be being thrown at me in a flurry of urgency. And, to be perfectly honest, I don't feel ready to handle any of these things. I've had two crying episodes in the past four days and it's not cause I'm pmsing or anything like that. I'm getting that ever familiar back pain that comes with internalizing my issues and having my qualms manifest in physically disabling ailments that I can't get rid of until the issues are dealt with.

The most overwhelming thing is money. I have no idea in the world how I'm going to be able to pay for my next quarter at school. Currently, I have about two hundred dollars to my name which is about enough to pay for one class. I need to take 12 credits to be on a full course load and be covered by my mother's dental insurance. Something that I need desperately right now because with my dad retiring from the military, I no longer have dental insurance from them and I'm having no luck finding a job because I can't get out to look for one and all the jobs for seasonal work have already been taken. Furthermore, I'm visiting my mother which means seasonal jobs are pointless since I'm not even gonna be able to work them.

I'm almost to the point of tears just writing about this stuff. I don't want to deal with it anymore.

I don't want to deal with any of it anymore.

I really just wish I could wake up in the morning and have everything sorted out. But, the chances of that happening are slim to none. Yay...I'm screwed.

I have like ten people telling me that it'll be all right and everything will work out for the best, but I honestly don't feel so hopeful as them. I'm really anticipating either not having dental insurance or not going to college next quarter.

I feel like my head is going to explode from all of this.

And...don't even get me started on the other controversies I have going on because they will take seven blogs (or one really long one) to explain and I don't feel like typing them out.

In Other News:
I was supposed to get my learner's permit for driving today, but Frost, who was going to take me to the DMV for testing, was/is in the hospital for some undisclosed reason. He says he'll be fine, which is good because I don't like it when friends are sick.

I hope he gets out/better soon. He's a cool guy and being in the hospital is never fun (unless your name is Maddie and you're visiting a friend and fascinated by all the cool supplies in the room...and the bed. Because, that's how a Maddie obsessed with House acts).

Anyway, back to writing about cows.

TTFN!
~Maddie